The duo

A simple thought put in a plain and honest expression is always a great combo. It makes one to surrender for a while and listen to. But as someone quotes it right, "making it simple, is always difficult." Even a finer idea without a simple expression, couldn't have made that impression on anyone. And also, expression without a clear thought would be as useless as a headless horse. But there lies the struggle to fit them like in a jigsaw.

I am always awed by particular writings, which may not hold a great story, but magnetises by the thoughts, that would have just slipped away our minds. Then the style of expression makes me feel like eating a candy. It seems, that meaning cannot be conveyed in any better way. I feel, an article or any equally meaningful word, would distort the expression, if misplaced. Those writings show off the writer's ingenious observation, how they think, and react or at least thought to react and importantly the honest way of writing them down. They might have well understood the pros of being honest while writing.

Though I don't aim to become a writer by profession, I love writing, which makes me to think of the concerned object. Sometimes it is otherwise too. I get a thought and so do I write, not to loose it in the current. The transformation of thought to expression is a sweet pain. It pricks slowly, teases a bit more, tortures like the hell in the moment of cliff, and then looks manageable, puts a smile, and finally brings success with a cheerful sigh. Oh no! it is not always a happy ending. Otherwise, some of my posts wouldn't have remained as just drafts, without ever getting published.

My thought gets hungry of expression.

The Final Door

There was a maze of doors, all of them looking more or less identical and seemed to be concealing the most enthusiastic things and the best opportunities one can ever find. When I entered this maze, everybody was cheerful making merry passing through each door. But I observed almost everybody taking a pause of few jiffies before knocking on each door. When I asked my mother, why it was so, she said, "There is a particular door dreadful, dangerous and there is nothing beyond that door. That one sucks people, whoever knocks on and vanishes them to air". She also instructed me to wait for somebody else to knock on any new door to be safe. May be that was the reason, people roamed around in mobs, where only one was leading them all the way. But I couldn't swallow my mom's precaution. I thought, she was indirectly asking me to be lame, to be handicapped.

From the day, I knew about this door, I felt joy in exploring this maze. Whenever I heard somebody knocked on that door, I didn't feel sad, Instead, it built up respect for them for leading the mob. I took inspiration out of every loss. I loved exploring the new ways. Sometimes, I was lost and took time to get back to hope. All the while, I knew, if I go on with this pace, I might knock on that door very soon. But it didn't scare me. Moreover, I felt, there was something else in that door, which these ordinary people failed to understand. I met few like-minded people, who were willing to accompany me my way. But I deliberately restricted them not to do so. For I couldn't bear the loss of any of them for the relation we share and couldn't cause them pain loosing myself. I felt comfortable in solitude.

One day, I reached the final door, but I didn't notice anything unusual. I seriously felt this one certainly couldn't be that door. I was even thinking of the future, making some plans to meet a very best friend of mine and to give her the sketch I was working on. And I suddenly remembered that I promised another friend to give a call. That particular moment completely erased my thoughts of that door. I knocked on it, rather in hurry to finish it all and to keep the promises I made. A blinding light glared into my eyes and somebody pulled me in with a force that even ten times of me couldn't resist, I was thrown into water, but I saw, the door was still open, I struggled to breath. I tried, but couldn't float, as I didn't know how to swim. I tried one last time to get out of the water. The more I tried to resist the invisible force, the more I was put to pressure. In this duel, I was pushed away. A sharp edge of a rock hit my head in the back. My head started bleeding. Soon, all the water got the color of sanguine. I wondered, if my head contained that much amount of blood. The door was closed before I lost the transparency because of the blood.

I was feeling weak and my body temperature was falling down. I tumbled down with forlorn hope. I closed my eyes, as there was no use for keeping them open. In that last moment, I wanted to remember the best thing that happened to me. It occurred to me that knowing of this final door could be the best one, otherwise I wouldn't have felt happy, every time I knocked on a door and checked my vital signs. Last thing I remember was the the smile I had given for the way I could convince myself for my fallacies. I think, I lied there forever and I still lay there buried under the rocks.

Author's note: I was inflicted with march madness and wrote this story which is neither meaningful nor the one that makes you responsive.

Sources of thought: Monsters Inc. , Mr. Nice Guy, Raj's death and me.

Suggestsome title -5 (Contributed by Nasheeda Anjum)

Sashi opens the door indifferently to find the boy very excited as someone in possession of a great surprise. When Pranathi peeps out with a sweet smile, Sashi's expression changes immediately from dejection to surprise that somehow connects to life and everything beautiful. For a moment, he forgets everything and is happy to see her. They exchange greetings with bigger smiles. How much bigger the smiles may be, they fail to convey how happy the two are at this moment.

Pranathi getting hold of her thumping heart, sighs with an expression of at-last-i-have-found-you and inquires Sashi why his mobile phone is switched off. Sashi grins a bit to save some time to think of what to answer. He says that he lost his mobile with a little effort. He finds himself a pro in lying, remembering his experiences with his father and the ease, with which he did it again with Pranathi too. He is sad that he needs to use his special skills for sometime with others too and happy that he saved himself for the moment.

The little boy, who brought Pranathi to the room, leaves with a bit of disappointment as that rude fellow, Sashi even forgets to thank him. Pranathi, not waiting to be invited or asked, comes in and tells him about her surprise visit. Sashi though suddenly became happy, conceals it and tries to manage that this happiness shall not change his decision. He takes a deep breath to change his mood, to reflect that he is not so happy for all she did. He asks her when she did plan all this.

Pranathi ignoring all the general questions, says, "I have been observing you since a fortnight. You seem so dull and detached. First I thought, you are stressed at work but it continued unusually longer, I just couldn't understand the problem. Then one day, probably last Friday, I thought, that we shall meet, thinking it could make you happy and it did. I could see it in your eyes." Sashi, realizing that his efforts to put on the mask of fatigue are gone in vain, relaxes himself. Sashi giving a smile to himself, asks her when she arrived and how she convinced her parents.

Pranathi pulling her brows closer, exclaims "Sashi, I already told you that I came here by 10.00AM and that I am staying with my friend Radhika, the nerdy of our class. Did you remember Radhika? the one who used to scare all the boys, even to look at her. Oh OK, OK! Not again. I know, it is probably, 74th time I am telling you about her. But Sashi, You are still not yourself. What happened to you? Are you angry with me for anything? Aren't you happy for my coming here? Tell me, what's bothering you. I don't mind even if you wouldn't share your happiness with me but in times like this, you should better share. I feel, I can do anything if only you give me a chance. I know, it is too much to say, but I sincerely feel that."

Pranathi takes a pause for few seconds and gets into a different topic not to overburden Sashi with her special feelings for him. She says, how she thought of lying to her dad that she has to attend an exam in B'lore . how she reasoned it to be not worth lying and gave up. and then how for the first time she went to her dad so boldly and asked him for his permission to visit her friends in B'lore. She says that her dad was apprehensive a bit (natural for a daughter's dad), but gave permission. Pranathi continues profoundly "You see, it is all because of you. The feeling of being in love with you gives me lots of happiness and confidence, and I don't find anything to worry about. Everything looks brilliant" She stops again checking herself, how she is getting back to expressing her feelings for him.

Suddenly silence falls upon and they don't know how to break it. It is dark in no time, and observing it, Pranathi stands up to take leave. Sashi insists her to have dinner with him and takes her to Forum. He drops her back at her friend's place after the casual dinner. They make a tryst for the next day @ ISKCON temple.

All the night, Pranathi thinks of everything that could possibly worry Sashi, but coudn't be sure of anything. Sashi, on his way back, calls up his parents to make sure that they don't knock his door next day like Pranathi did that day. and sleeps thinking how he shall give her the letter, whether to post it or to give her directly.

Next morning, Sashi and Pranathi meet at ISKCON temple, take the blessings of Krishna. They make some place for themselves to sit on the stairs. This time, determined Pranathi says "Sashi, I really don't know what is bothering you, I guess, it something serious, I also understand, you don't want to share it with me and I am OK with that. Shall I say something? (proceeds with his nod) No situation is good or bad to handle. No problem is difficult or easy to solve. It all depends on how you handle it, whether you accept and adopt or stand up and fight back or just run away. I just want to tell you to be happy with your decision, even if you feel like running away. I know it is easier said than done. I believe, we all know (almost) all the possible solutions for every problem we face, but often we favor our minds over hearts and vice versa in view of rationality. Excuse me for my lengthy lecture. But be happy always like my dear old Sashi" She hums that filmy song "mujhse naraz ho to ho jao. khudse lekin khafa khafa na raho.. mujhse tum door jao to jao, aap apne se judaa na raho.." and takes his right hand in her hands mimicking a pleading posture.

While loafing around the Brigade Road, Pranathi, pulls out a purple colored T-shirt which says "Avoid hangover, Stay drunk." from the bag she brought with her. She hands him this saying "I am fed up of taking. So this time I want to give you." Sashi unfolds the shirt and smiling at the quote keeps it to his chest as if asking her how he looks. From a near-by shop, Sashi takes a pashmina shawl that compliments her light apricot colored skirt. When he gives it to her, thinking "Perhaps, this is the last one", he thought, he just thought of it, but he actually said it aloud. Pranathi notices this with a thud in her heart.

A happy day passes like a minute. They find that they can't have lunch together as she needs to catch the kacheguda express. They reach the railway station on time. Pranathi settles herself in S1, 59 (she prefers upper berth) while Sashi brings her food and water.

Sashi after so much struggle gives her the letter and asks her to read once she reaches home. As the train starts moving with a whistle, Pranathi, wearing an expresssion of i'll-miss-you-like-hell in her eyes says "take care and be happy". Every time she parts with Sashi, she feels, she is being taken away from herself. Soon her face turns so miserable, as if she has more painful story than Sashi's. Her eyes have a request for him. A request, to be happy, to be like that old and happy Sashi. Her image, through that little rustic train window, gets stamped in his heart as he stands helplessly.

Publisher's Note: When Nashi sent me her story, I was surprised to see, what I thought in my mind. But in the end, I felt so sorry, that Sashi gave her the letter. I didn't expect it at all. I thought of making him tear it away for Pranathi's love. But now, as Nashi writes it, lets us go on, as this is the way, unexpected and unwanted things happen in real life. Thank you, Nashi.

The fame game

I had quite fun taunting my colleagues. Actually that wasn't my motif when I commented on that Fwd "No God, Know God". But as it went on, I felt interested and loved replying to comments. From this exchange of messages, I found out, there are people, who want to be included in the discussion, which is not of their understanding, for which, they don't have anything to contribute. They finally do it by saying, we must stop the discussion, otherwise it would lead to something intolerable. They stop it forcibly. Childish minds!

That was when I realised, that this group is yet another fools' paradise.

I fell in love for the fourth time.

Every time, I fall in love, it seems the last . I feel, I could never again love anybody like this. It starts out of nothing exquisite. First, I try being a ruthless examiner of his work. I try to criticize, but secretly admire. Then one day, this admiration comes to the level, I can't hold it inside.. I feel like giving a hug and then a peck on his cheek.

This time, it was with Dostoevsky. I am so excited to copy out an excerpt from his book, "Crime and Punishment". So read on, you may also fall in love.

He dreamt that the whole world was condemned to a terrible new strange plague that had come to Europe from the depths of Asia. All were to be destroyed except a very few chosen. Some new sorts of microbes were attacking the bodies of men, but these microbes were endowed with intelligence and will. Men attacked by them became at once mad and furious. But never had men considered themselves so intellectual and so completely in possession of the truth as these sufferers, never had they considered their decisions, their scientific conclusions, their moral convictions so infallible. Whole villages, whole towns and peoples went mad from the infection. All were excited and did not understand one another. Each thought that he alone had the truth and was wretched looking at the others, beat himself on the breast, wept, and wrung his hands. They did not know how to judge and could not agree what to consider evil and what good; they did not know whom to blame, whom to justify. Men killed each other in a sort of senseless spite. They gathered together in armies against one another, but even on the march the armies would begin attacking each other, the ranks would be broken and the soldiers would fall on each other, stabbing and cutting, biting and devouring each other. The alarm bell was ringing all day long in the towns; men rushed together, but why they were summoned and who was summoning them no one knew. The most ordinary trades were abandoned, because everyone proposed his own ideas, his own improvements, and they could not agree. The land too was abandoned. Men met in groups, agreed on something, swore to keep together, but at once began on something quite different from what they had proposed. They accused one another, fought and killed each other. There were conflagrations and famine. All men and all things were involved in destruction. The plague spread and moved further and further. Only a few men could be saved in the whole world. They were a pure chosen people, destined to found a new race and a new life, to renew and purify the earth, but no one had seen these men, no one had heard their words and their voices.

No matter, No title-2

We are friends again! But as I decided, I will behave myself, and try not to get into any more ordeals.

No matter, No title

Finally I learnt this lesson. I learnt why I shall not depend emotionally on friends, why I shall not take anyone for granted, and why I shall not take everything so easy. I should have listened to them, may be that would have lessen my pain today.

Why couldn’t I notice you, when all else did? Why didn’t you give me any clue? No, you must have given them. I only might have got blind to see it clear. You gave me the first hint, when you told me “how disgusting I am”, and the second one, when you asked me “Is it so?” for the most obvious, and may be more, and I could have failed to notice.

I think, I was just waiting to listen to the last of all. Now, It was over for whatever the reason. So please get out of my life forever, I didn’t know It was this easy to say this. By the way, I should certainly appreciate your shrewdness, for you managed to maintain a friendly relation with me this long. Now, I feel like spitting on your face. I don’t care if tomorrow is a great day for you. You spoiled my today.

May be I would become friends with you again, but this pain will remain, this post will remain to remind me how scheming you are and how stupid I am.