Deceived

Chichikov is annoyingly chuckling at my disposition. How could I be tricked so easy? Till now, I only found myself with such a degree of variance in temperaments. Here the point is.. I never hide it and consider it a defect in me, which I cannot correct very quickly. I need to hit myself and practice for the evenness in my countenance. May be, because of that, I'm impressed with the people of orderly demeanor. Guess! Somebody, who impressed me like that, made me blush with his miens. Though his airs were apt for the location, I'm hurt. I think, I am deceived of his placidity.

PS: If it seems, it is you, don't ask me for the confirmation.

Fair picture of my wedding dream :P

Thanks to GRT Wedding Mall advertising department.

Boo Radley

Boo Radley is leaving for US office. Everybody thought I would miss him. Not a bit. I am actually happy. Stop there.. I don't have anything against him. I never wanted him to go out. But now when he is leaving, I found a comfort. Comfort that I don't need to drop my eyes and break my neck bone when I pass by him. How would I forget the invalid look he gave me when I went to his cocoon to give him chocolates on Dostoevsky's birthday? He took me to a bug in his code rising his right brow an inch. Then I convinced myself that he was surprised and confused and didn't know what to do, so he put some random expression on his face. Of course, I didn't believe what I told myself. I found out yesterday, at his farewell lunch that it is not because of his reserved nature but he is too proud of his intelligence and of having differential treatment for his length and breadth of knowledge(Ram's invariable expression for LP) and he thinks invalids like me are no equal to him and talking to us is disgracing. When he was asked to talk about his colleagues, he gave poppins only to Ram and Rakesh. This is my another problem. When my colleagues tell me that they love talking only to Ram and Rakesh, my impulsive reaction is to hate them. I know, everybody has their own likes and dislikes and it is no concern of me but still this 'only' lacerates me like an insult by spitting on the face. By the way, Intelligence turns me on too. I too like Rakesh and Ram but not only for their smartness, for they treat people alike, not exactly alike.. but at-least one wouldn't be hit on one's self-respect. I am going awry, let me come back. I extremely hate LP, may be out of jealousy for his knowledge and the special treatment he gets. Specially now, I curse him to find a fly in his food when he is dead tired. Then let him eat his intelligence. Let him drink his dollars and pride. I cynically wish for that. He helped me. So what? I am not happy to have his share of knowledge that comes with such a torture.

PS: Notes From Underground is too distressing for unhappy souls like me otherwise it is a good one and you could laugh it through. I kept turning to the cover page to believe this was the same Dostoevsky, who made Kolyas, Mityas and Myshkins.