Ruined in reformation

Dostoevsky, Do you know that you have ruined me? If I keep believing in your reasoning, I'll loose my esteem and soon I'll loose myself too. Though you make fun of Madame Khoklakov, I'm like her, so many uncertainties, so much self-hatred but highly pompous. How aptly you made her say -The more I love humanity in general, the less I like man in particular. That's exactly the case with me. Kindness is not a service, Kindness is not a peace-maker, Kindness is a weakness. Don't we have to consider whether the other person is worth the kindness we are going to shower?? Without this kindness of yours, I atleast would have loved myself, but because of you, I feel trapped.. like a little mouse. Do you think with this kind of people, peace is possible? I say it's impossible even if you can make the Sun rise in the west. I hate you right now at this moment for making me take all the guilt upon me for you said.. everyone’s guilt before all and for all..