Long long ago, when I joined my first job(still with the same), not having much work to do, I wandered aimlessly in the web world. I was surprised to know people from other countries talking about Jiddu Krishna Murthy, about whom I heard just the name and nothing more. I ventured to research on this person as it's my habit to know about the people varying in the range from thugs to highly influential. So I read his writings on Death, Incarnation and in the last "On Love". As I went on reading, I hated myself more and more but I couldn't stop before the last word. I hated his writing and I even hated myself believing what he said to be true. Then I took a copy of it and kept it in my rack.
I forgot about it till recently , I planned to clean the waste in my cube. Read it again. Now being not prejudiced towards love, I felt it more disturbing . It is so sad that we need to go through all this trouble to feel that true love. I wanted to speak to somebody , that moment had stroked me with only one name. But I didn't talk to him as I thought he would think, that I called him to remind my birthday. I restrained for a day. When he called me up to wish , I told him all the confusions, that reading has raised in me. Thank God! He didn't laugh at me. He is my guru. how can he laugh at his student?
He told me, "Hey, You are just trapped into Krishan Murthy's Jiddu. First you go, and read love story again to come out of this status quo. It is very common and natural to feel the ownership on something you love. Let me give you an example. I loved my previous project. So whenever somebody does a check in, I will make sure they do it right and haven't disturbed anything though it is not my work. I feel it is mine." . Yes. You are right guru, even I do that with my FIPS project. I don't feel comfortable even when Sriram does a check in who actually introduced me to this project. So that means, we can feel possessive in love. and it will still be called love. Right? I am not still sure. But it is you, who assured me, so I believe like a child.
Thanks guru.
I forgot about it till recently , I planned to clean the waste in my cube. Read it again. Now being not prejudiced towards love, I felt it more disturbing . It is so sad that we need to go through all this trouble to feel that true love. I wanted to speak to somebody , that moment had stroked me with only one name. But I didn't talk to him as I thought he would think, that I called him to remind my birthday. I restrained for a day. When he called me up to wish , I told him all the confusions, that reading has raised in me. Thank God! He didn't laugh at me. He is my guru. how can he laugh at his student?
He told me, "Hey, You are just trapped into Krishan Murthy's Jiddu. First you go, and read love story again to come out of this status quo. It is very common and natural to feel the ownership on something you love. Let me give you an example. I loved my previous project. So whenever somebody does a check in, I will make sure they do it right and haven't disturbed anything though it is not my work. I feel it is mine." . Yes. You are right guru, even I do that with my FIPS project. I don't feel comfortable even when Sriram does a check in who actually introduced me to this project. So that means, we can feel possessive in love. and it will still be called love. Right? I am not still sure. But it is you, who assured me, so I believe like a child.
Thanks guru.
7 comments:
we can feel possessive in love. and it will still be called love. u r right 2lc!.
but the problem is with the other person who won't like us being possessive. They give one more gyaan to be broad minded...
Then starts trouble... :(
Conditional Love—Possessive Relationships
by Anonymous2
Whilst unconditional love freely flows inside out, conditional love sets its terms and is directed inwardly.
Conditional love sends out messages like this: “I have done so much for you, so now you should do this for me.” Or “I need your attention, your sympathy, your consent, your time, your presence, your love.” Or “I want you to live your life according to my beliefs and ideas.” “I need you to need me, and to look after me exactly the way I have in mind.” “And if you don’t do that, I will fall ill or become very unhappy.”
This kind of relationship is psychologically suffocating, and can be even physically suffocating, for the person(s) it concerns. It does not allow personal space to the other one. The path the other one has chosen for his/her life is deliberately surpassed for the sake of someone’s egocentric purposes.
Deep down hidden in the soul of the demanding and possessive person dwells a needy little child, longing for love and appreciation. Under the surface lies deep seated insecurity and fear of loss, especially of relationships. They have difficulty with experiencing self-love and self-acceptance, and the behavior they show is a great example of compensation.
Since claiming people cannot accept to be connected with the great inner source of love through the heart, and since they cannot understand that they were born ‘okay’, they need affirmation, confirmation and domination of the persons in their near surroundings. They want you to listen patiently to twenty times their story and accept that there’s no interest in one time your story. They need you to agree with their viewpoint and to act in accordance with their moral ideas about life. They will hold on tightly to present relationships, and show great difficulty if a child tries to break lose in living its own adult life or marrying a partner. They can lay strong demands on you taking care of their health even daily, no matter if you have your own family to look after. They may obtrude their help upon you, in return for your time and gratitude. And it will never be enough.
I think social and gentle persons are foremost prone to fall victim to the above described emotional vampires. Especially if you are a child or partner of such a person, it won’t be easy to live your own life.
They may use subtle manipulation methods that speak to your heart: their willingness to help you, support you financially, their loneliness after having lost their partner, their worries about your well-being, their dependence on you, they could use ill health to draw your attention, or give hints and advices. Please don’t get me wrong: to a certain extent all these things belong to a normal relationship, but in a possessive one they are used to make you do what they want, to exercise power with velvet gloves. And if you dare to act independent, they will let you know with great self-pity or anger that you misbehave, and that you are their source of unhappiness. Of course conjuring up feelings of guilt is a mighty weapon to fight your spiritual freedom and progress.
So what to do? It is important to understand the psychology of the situation. Please know that, no matter how loving you wish to be, you can’t live somebody else's life. It is your responsibility to do something useful with the gift of your life, and your level of happiness will let you know in as far you are aligned with your heart. Unhappiness, illness and energy drains will show you that something is wrong. No one besides you can find your aim for this life. Calmly but persistently insist on your personal space. Saying No to a loved one does not mean that you have stopped loving that person. The possessive person needs to learn that relationships flower in love and freedom, not in imposed dutifulness. Love is happily giving without thinking about receiving, and not trading tit for tat. Someone else can never meet one’s expectations, therefore please learn to let things and people be. Work with affirmations like “I put faith in myself” and “I am love”.
@anonymous2
Wooowhaaa..
Thats a grrr88 analysis or theory or whatever u call it...
Let me know if u have ur own blog.
I got who this Anonymous2 is - Anja Heij!!
Well, to all those who got carried away with the theory described above (In fact, I am one among them), make sure you interpret the cultural impact on such a theory.
"Parents Love their Children" - This is a universal fact(barring few abnormalities). But one should be easily able to find the differences in "showing love" across various regions. Western countries and India, for example, widely differ in parental love & relation. The possession levels in the love exhibited are higher in India. But does that mean their love is a kind of "Conditional Love"?
Before moving ahead, let us all agree with the fact that we are humans. And no human can show an unconditional love (of course, only humans that come close to that, atleast for some days, are parents - and so most of us - as some day most of us shall be parents!) . Only God (for those who believe) can show "un-conditional" love- as you can't see GOD - there is no help you can do to GOD!
Don't try to be always Idealistic. The closer you go, the farther you go from the fun of life. Let us accept the life as it comes. The way a teenager reacts to even a badly narrated love story wont be the same as the reaction of an Octogenarian. You may help your friend your elope - but not your daughter! Age and experience changes the way one looks at life, changes your tastes. Cursing people for so many expectations on you is a better feeling than cursing youself for having nobody to expect anything from you.
Love and possession go hand in hand. Love without possession can't be imagined. Possession is a by-product of love. Possession cultivates ownership. If you dont own - how can you love? We don't love everyone we interact with just because you won't own them. You can't hate one of your eyes, normally, because you own it. Ownership mostly craves for "betterment". But there's a catch - owning a lifeless object is different from feeling of owning a peron. Object can't respond to the stress of owner - but we respond. And that's where the problems begin in the possesive love. I personally feel love with possession to acceptible levels makes life happier!
Finally - let's not waste time analyzing love - let's share and experience it!
Anonymous-3, You speak like my guru. I would like to remember you by name and not just as one of the anonymous commentators. I liked this line in your comment.
"Don't try to be always Idealistic. The closer you go, the farther you go from the fun of life"
Well said. This is the reason, I love being myself. Thanks for the comment and revealation of Anja Heij :)
If I speak like your Guru.. The probability of probabilty for me becoming your next guru becoming less than the probability of myself being your current guru, is greater than the probability of probability that you becoming my future student becoming less than the probability that you already a current student. - OOPS does this make sense?
So It's you!
Post a Comment