Pradeep called me up few minutes before midnight ( Of course he was on! ) to ask me if I do care to plan for a day out. Yes, It was months since we last met. I think, it was for Sri's wedding reception. And, I'm not even calling Nashi for a weekly-hi. Even if I wanted, I rarely call Soumy as I am afraid, I would just be wasting her time with my prattle. She looks lean, but works like, she is not one, but ten inside. Pradeep repeated his question, adding "I feel like left alone". I know, how he talks, when he is on. He reveals himself just like a kid without any pride. Believe me, this is the only time, I could answer his questions without argument. I said, I don't want to meet anybody this time. May be I was too rude to say that. But that is the truth. I remembered Soumy saying "Do you people know why we became friends? Of all the people here, very few are like us ( not in the likes and dislikes, but the way we are. like school kids. we find happiness just being with each other). For all else, it is in the grades they get. and also the number of years they lived is inversely proportional to the number of friends they have and even to the quality of the relation. One becomes acutely objective and conceited with age. But we are an exception!" I pondered upon these words and suspected if I am getting too old. But surely, I don't have any sort of objective. I couldn't find out why everything has become so palled for me, which was once jubilant and rocking. I am not at all depressed or anything. In fact, quite happy, when I don't think about these things.
I counselled Pradeep for half-an-hour on something related to his philosophical and troublesome questions. After I hung up, read for some time and started thinking about the question I had for myself. I raked my brain with bisection method, converged at the following 'possible' possibilities for my dud behaviour towards my friends.
1. Somewhere in the nook of my mind, I may not be finding them as equals. I may be too much above myself. But I wonder, if I've really become egoistic to this extreme.
2. May be, I am getting bored when they talk.
3. May be, I am just enjoying to be alone.
4. For some unknown reason, I may not like them to think, that I miss them.
5. The last chance would be, I may want to involve too much of myself in the work and planning for the 'objective' of my career.
6. May be the real cause is missed out!
I counselled Pradeep for half-an-hour on something related to his philosophical and troublesome questions. After I hung up, read for some time and started thinking about the question I had for myself. I raked my brain with bisection method, converged at the following 'possible' possibilities for my dud behaviour towards my friends.
1. Somewhere in the nook of my mind, I may not be finding them as equals. I may be too much above myself. But I wonder, if I've really become egoistic to this extreme.
2. May be, I am getting bored when they talk.
3. May be, I am just enjoying to be alone.
4. For some unknown reason, I may not like them to think, that I miss them.
5. The last chance would be, I may want to involve too much of myself in the work and planning for the 'objective' of my career.
6. May be the real cause is missed out!
4 comments:
Hey Sweetheart...
you know what? You missed out on one thing...perhaps a line that we all believe in...wherever we are and whatever we do...this includes Raj n the distance we have with him...we are friends...and would get along as a house on fire when we meet. So do not let anything hamper your present state of mind...this shall also pass but we are here for lifetime and beyond that. love you lots...missing you like hell..
Just Go to a doctor. He will certainly help u keeping your things in control.
Anonymous,
Thanks for the advice, but no thanks. These days, doctors are being more sick than the patients. Anyways, I can cope with my occasional blackouts. That's nothing for me.
I thank you again for your concern.
probably 2nd possibility.
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