Drowning...

I keep up my insanity irritating the people around for no reason as if I have a long-lasting grudge on them to be unloaded. Every time I do something to them, I suffer acutely, but then.. they too would suffer and that is a sheer pleasure to me and it would even out-balance my suffering. I love to see them notice that I am not just nothing, but could inflict them in the worst way and spoil their day if I want. I know, I am falling down morally but I don't care, if it can give me the pleasure of suffering.

In-spite of all this, life has suddenly become interesting and I curiously watch it every moment with my chin in the hands. I think, I am dangerously in hope. Perhaps, I'm hoping on this hope like that Dostoevsky's drowning man clutched at a straw thinking it to be the branch of a tree. :)