Engagement of deception

I am just like you, a bit talkative, emotional, honest, intelligent [I think so ;) ] and sometimes over-confident. Then why me when I am no different from anybody? Why am I deprived of cherishing those days of youth. Why is it all filled with that person who promised me the moon but gave me up for a good-looking and dowry bringing rich lady. I couldn't convince myself that it is only because of money. I can't make him accountable for such an unforgivable sin. Isn't it unforgivable?? I looked at him so high and never would be able to imagine him otherwise. May be , not so high, because he started lying to me from few months, even when it is unnecessary. May be, he is testing if he could successfully bully me. Even after all this, I had a hope, a feeble one, that he is just faking but actually the person he presented to me along with his propositions.

After I heard of his engagement with that rich lady, I am shattered. There was nobody at home except my little sister, to whom I shall behold the stature of an ideal inspiration. So I busied her to watch her favorite show and locked myself in my room. I thought I should better talk to some of my friends. It was too late. But who looks at the clock to disturb a friend? I know beforehand what they would say. I know how typical their consolations would be.. But still would want to listen from them. All of them said the same thing but in their own style that he doesn't deserve me and that I shall be happy to have ridden of him at last. I suspect they are happy for what happened. They reminded me of their prophecies that we weren't a match. I talked to them as if I believed all they said.

I laid on my bed and remembered the days when we played as innocent kids but with a favoritism towards each other. I knew him by birth. Everybody was jealous of us, because we help each other and nobody else. I remembered when somebody made a mountain of suspicion out of our closeness with each other. I was badly insulted but was happy somehow. I stupidly enjoyed each moment my parents positively remarked about him and wouldn't talk to him for a day or two if it was a negative remark. It wasn't that I was angry with him for what he did, but I felt he should behave properly like a gentleman when my parents were around. I didn't know why I got that notion. Later on, when he proposed to me, I realized, though I never talked to myself regarding this wish, this was what I always waited for. Then everything was clear to me and I understood myself. I don't regret for missing the state of being in love and then day-dreaming for the day of proposal. Whatever happened to me is exactly the way I wanted.

I came back from my reveries because, after that nothing happened to amuse me. It was a skill of few to make you feel guilty before you ask them for an explanation. He got that. I was never happy with him again. But I tried to find happiness in the misery of my state. I believed in my love unknowing that it would thrash me someday like this. They say.. Time heals the wound. But I can't even bear this unreasonable wound till that time comes. It is painful and scorching.